The Mute Mind.

"And I-I-I wanna thank you, for giving me the best days of my life..."

2008-05-28T02:34:00.005+05:00

What a time we had,

when all of us were young.

Laughing in the rain

and basking in the sun.

Not a care in the world,

so wonderful to be free...

I am now older than I used to be.

I cannot play anymore with you,

and neither can you with me.

We are now bound by the strings of time,

to live as we are now,

awaiting harder times.

I mourn that I am no longer young with ye,

but strangely have no regrets about being old.

For I was happy then and I am happy now,

I just wish I had both happiness to hold.

copyrighted Shehla Naz Faizi.

Graffiti Nation

2007-10-27T12:06:00.002+05:00

Despite the lack of literacy in this country (about 60% percent of the population can't really read or write), the amount of chalkings that you do find upon its walls is surprising.

Political/satirical, social or commercial; you will find some form of writing or the other upon its walls. And the funny thing is chalkings are not just restricted to walls.

I find the most interesting bits of writing on the backs and sides of trucks, buses and any and all modes of transportation (including donkey-carts!). With their poetic declarations of love, heartbreak and religious fervour, all tinged with just the right amount of humour.

It speaks volumes for a nation, which has an obvious handicap in terms of the lack of literacy, is still able to communicate such insight into its inner workings by something as simple as unrelenting graffiti. Bravo!

Edit. Erase. Repeat.

2007-07-04T13:37:00.000+05:00

It's vicious cycle which I can't seem to escape...I write, I edit and then I eventually erase...

I don't know if other people go through this or not, but for me, if I could, I would be perpetually erasing all traces of everything I ever did in my past – every bit of literary writing I ever did, every picture I ever drew, every song I ever recorded on tape and every home video ever made of me...

I like to think it's because I'm better now than what I used to be at everything, and any visible trace of my 'inferior' past existence causes me incredible anguish (which it truly does), but I think there is something more there...

...I think very few people are worth remembering after they are dead and until I become one of them, I'll keep erasing...

All a matter of illegible communication...

2007-03-26T11:30:00.001+05:00

I dislike it intensely when people state simple matters in complicated ways...

The purpose of Language is to create clarity in communication and yet alot of people use it in a way that is the exact opposite.

But why?

When you possess a gift to communicate well, why abuse that gift? Why create confusion within the mind?

If there is something intelligent that needs to be said, it should be expressed simply for the benefit of everyone around you. Otherwise you might as well be speaking to yourself.

"Could be the reason why I never really cared for Shakespeare..."

The Uncertainty Principle

2007-03-26T11:29:00.000+05:00

When you look at 'darkness', I mean the word in its literal sense, it just means a 'lack of light'. But for some reason it seems to frighten us beyond measure.

When you examine darkness, in the sense that you turn off the lights of a room, it's still the same room, it's just that there is no light there anymore. So why go into a crippling mental state on the bases of such a minor lacking?

Alot of people reason this 'fear of the dark' through symbolism, which has varying implications for all that is dark, ranging from "evil forces" and "going astray" to generally everything which is not good in this world. But the question is "Why?" Why do such symbolisms exist?

I am not sure but I have a theory.

I think it all exists on the general basis of 'Uncertainty'. Whenever there is an absence of light a person is automatically thrown into the realm of uncertainty. Although only one of our senses has been disabled (the rest are functioning as always) we only then realise how heavily dependent we are on our sight. Under such conditions we are very uncomfortable with having to 'stumble around' trying to find our way through– we are, in essence, 'uncertain' of what we have to do next.

Human beings in general, I think, have a great loathing for 'uncertainty'. We do not deal with it very well.

But this principle of 'uncertainty' leads to another theory I have.

I think "Evil" in itself is not an entity. I think evil is but a mere presence of 'uncertainty' in a situation and nothing more. Or more appropriately "doubt". When you think about it alot of 'bad things' generally arise when we have doubt about a person, a situation or even about ourselves.

Although it is true that a person cannot be certain about everything that is around him/her, but the way he/she chooses to handle 'uncertainty' is key to the outcome of the uncertainty...so I believe evil is basically being afraid of the uncertain...

I shall ponder some more and see if there is a better answer to my question...

Hope.

2007-03-26T11:28:00.000+05:00

There is never a time when we are without Hope...but hope can often be deceptively small.

At all times we carry within our hands, our tiny bit of hope. A mere candle in the vast darkness that is our existence. It is true, light from such hope can never be quite adequate but atleast it's there.
But too often, in our haste to get through life, we are drawn to that flair in the distance (it is not our own, we are not even sure if it's real) which for that instant is so much brighter than the candle that we hold in our hand. We reach for it, our arms out-stretched...but it's gone...

Our distant beacon has vanished. Its brightness now but a distant memory...but our little candle remains. In our haste it was dropped, but our little hope endures...lopsided, it endures...

Until we awaken from our daze, rub our eyes in disbelief and realise our folly.

And it is then that we bend in humility; grasping for hope that is truly ours--Hope that will always be our eternal guide.

Can I save the butterfly and the spider?

2007-03-26T11:27:00.000+05:00

About a week back I finished watching an anime (those who know me know my obsession with anime^_^) series called 'Trigun'. On the surface it does seem like an incredibly ludicrous series, but the theory (for the lack of a better word) it is based on is incredible!
At one point in the series you see a flashback of a childhood event, pertaining to the protagonist of the series, Vash. This flashback is what contains the real crux of the whole series.

It shows a butterfly stuck in a spider's web with the hungry spider fast approaching, and here we are presented with young Vash's moral dilemma; he wants to save the butterfly AND the spider.

Most people would think this absurd how can BOTH be saved, the spider MUST eat the fly in order to live. Or worse most people would categorise the spider as being evil and the butterfly as being good and hence it would be alright to kill the spider. But the fact is it is often not that simple. People are not just plain good or evil. Alot goes into making them who they are.

Throughout the series, Vash goes on defeating his enemies, without (somehow) ever laying a finger on them. Near the end of the series though, he is forced to kill one of his adversaries in order to save his friends, which sends him into a state of mental anguish which would almost seem incomprehensible to people. "The man was evil, he was causing people pain and hence Vash was right to kill him."...but is it really that simple? I do not know?
My question to the world is: "Can both the spider and the fly be saved?"
I do not think so, but I do wish there was another way...

Waiting for my enemy...

2007-03-26T11:26:00.000+05:00

In life, it is easier to ward off mockery from those who are your enemies, especially when you know you are right (although what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' can be at times very relative).
But it is a thousand times harder to parry mockery from those close to you, especially when you have been defeated by their argument.

Fact remains though; you should never have to.
Those who care for you, should be courteous enough not to make your defeat more painful for you than it already is.

I love the smell of old Libraries...wisdom smells incredibly sweet.

2007-03-26T11:24:00.000+05:00

It's funny, I come from a long line of readers. Father, grandfather, cousins, uncles-you name it, we are all voracious readers.

Some of my fondest memories are associated with going to book vendors and buying second hand books at dirt cheap prices. And once I was done reading them I could always go back to the same vendor and return the book and get another book almost free. I loved it!

I loved the musty smell that emanated from these books, I loved the wonderfully yellowed pages, I even loved the little scribbles left behind by the previous owners. But most of all, I loved the thought that those books would take me away on some far away adventure, about which I'd be day-dreaming for weeks afterwards! It was beautiful.

Back then it was so much easier to satisfy my inherited yearning for knowledge but as I grew older it seemed harder and harder to do...

It's strange considering the fact that reading is a dying art, there are no steps taken to make books more accessible, especially where I live. Lack of decent libraries, shutting down of book fairs that sell inexpensive books (admittedly pirated, but in this country only the very rich can afford original books, it puts the the less fortunate at a great disadvantage), all contribute to the fact that in about a decade or so there will not be people reading books at all...I will miss books terribly...

"Give me my glorious black and white, that I so desire, in this obvious world of grey..."

2007-03-26T11:21:00.000+05:00

I think humanity, as a whole, views the world in extremes. Either something is right or it is wrong; either it is day or night.
But what I think we often forget, or more appropriately 'overlook', is the fact that this world exists in compromise.
The existence of Day and night, good or bad cannot be denied, but what is harder to comprehend is the subtlety of a sunrise and sometimes the significance of a half-truth.

It is true that sometimes a neutral existence without a clear opinion can be dangerous. But often times in this world solutions are not always clear and an answer not always as simple as 'black' or 'white'.

I was touched by a little child, who smiled at me...

2006-03-21T10:15:00.000+05:00

In our loneliness,
we wander aimless.
Consumed by ourselves,
our existence alone.

In our loneliness
we sink to despair.
Longing for kindness.
A moment of hope.

In our loneliness,
joy suddenly beckons.
A dear little child,
a dear little smile,
and a touch so slight.

In my loneliness,
I have been shown love.
A little child,
a little smile.
Heaven sent,
to rekindle my own light.

Living in a paper cup...

2006-01-31T16:24:00.000+05:00

The more we have, the less we are grateful for things...
Those who possess next to nothing seem to have the greatest level of contentment. One of those bizzare ironies of life.
Ofcourse this does not neccesarily apply to all situations but my point is, having more makes us ungrateful for what is present before us. It's as if we become blind to the obvious and can only see that which is in a distance.
'Tis a terrible curse...

"Don't ever forget to kiss your mama goodnight"

When one cannot agree to disagree...

2006-01-30T10:13:00.000+05:00

We are constantly vying for an edge over our fellow beings. Financially, academically, spiritually etc...

People call it ambition; it's a good thing to have, otherwise our existence would be in perpetual stagnation. But we do have a tendency of taking it too far...

Ambition is kind of like that large encyclopedia in a library. As a child we use it as a step-ladder to help us (and all those who follow) reach the books on the higher shelves.

As grown-ups we don't really require the encyclopedia's assistance to reach the higher shelves, but now it is used for another purpose: to knock all others off the ledge. We now use the encyclopedia to successfully eliminate all competition for the the higher shelves.

But then in our pursuit of keeping all others off, we lose focus of our original objective: to reach higher and become better than what we started out as.

Where is my handicap?

2005-11-18T15:50:00.000+05:00

I often wonder why we as regular people are not inspired to do anything important on our own?
We have everything going for us. No physical lackings, no mental short-comings and every other need handed to us without so much as a struggle. And yet we do nothing really worthwhile with our lives and worst of all, we have the gall to complain that we do not having everything.

And then there are those who, through fate, have lost something very dear to them, be it a limb, a loved one or even eventually their lives, that truly shine through as human beings.
But why? Why must we HAVE to lose something to become worthwhile human beings?

I think we are, by default, extremely ungrateful in our existence.What we have is never ever really important to us until we have lost it.

And then one day we lose it...
Losing something dear to us, sparks within us two reactions of great extremes: selfishness and selflessness. It all depends how you wish to interpret your loss. A way to either victimise oneself or to look upon it as a means to strengthen not only your own soul, but the souls of others as well.

Freedom of Speech.....

2005-10-21T15:28:00.000+05:00

Yeah, I see that term hurled around alot these days...strange thing is, not everyone is granted this freedom to it's fullest extent, atleast not without fear of repercussions.

And yet there are a selected few who may use it at will and suffer no loss to themselves(but bringing great grief to those whom they've used it against).

Freedom of speech...has to be an irony in terms. I mean people in a society could not live in peace if everyone was allowed to say (or do) whatever they wanted. So why bother with such a term when it cannot apply to humanity as a whole? Why not replace it with "Allowance of limited speech"? By golly it would create much less conflict than the whole "Freedom of Speech" deal.

Everyday I see someone exercising their right to "Freedom of speech" in one country and offending individuals living in another country. Sure as heck, isn't the surest path to obtaining World Peace.
I understand the neccesity of not limiting human thought and having the freedom to express an opinion, but some people just do not have the discretion to even own an opinion.
There has to be a limit to what a person should express openly, after all (no matter how much we'd like it to be true for ourselves) the world does NOT revolve around any single individual, and hence it is essential that we possess a reasonable amount of respect for the opinions and beliefs of others.

Ofcourse, that does not always ensure that someone will not be offended by us, but atleast it's a step in the right direction.

"Cause Everybody h-u-u-rts, so-o-mtimes..."

2005-10-20T12:02:00.000+05:00

When tragedy strikes a nation there are two kinds of people who sit up and take notice. There are the people who are truly devoted to helping humanity no matter how big or small the crisis. And then there are the other kind whose sole motivation is the evening news. They'll help out as long as the event is covered on the 9 o' clock news. As soon as broadcasters think an event is no longer news-worthy, this second group of people stop caring as well. It's not that these people are necessarily heinously selfish and uncaring, it's just that they lack a certain degree of internal drive and ambition. I think most of us are plagued by this dilemma (your's truly included). There has to be some way of battling this kind of internal stagnation...

"Maybe we must fight the urge to be so involved in ourselves only."

SOLICITORS SHALL BE BURNED!!

2005-08-17T11:47:00.000+05:00

It shows the height of our uncaring, when a person is speaking and we choose to ignore what they are saying. And it is not because what the other person is saying is sheer nonsense, but because we consider what WE have to say to be far more important!

Egos disguised as words, perpetually battling each other for ultimate supremacy.

"Two weeks away and the whole world should've changed. But I'm home now and things still look the same..."

2005-07-13T21:31:00.001+05:00

I wonder why we get home-sick? Is it the missing of the familiar? But why would any person require the familiar exactly? For Security? What are we insecure about? Having something to call our own? But why should any person need something to call ones own?....Selfishness?

Going....going.....Gone!

2005-05-23T00:31:00.000+05:00

You never really know you are prejudiced until you travel to an international airport. So many kinds of people, all so different from your own self, it is hard not to feel afraid of that difference. It is at that moment that you understand that you too are, on some level, prejudiced.

But, I believe that the sin does not come from possessing a prejudice (prejudice is in fact an instinct a way of protecting oneself from people whom you do not understand and who in-turn do not understand you) but the sin comes from how you react to that prejudice.

All men are different but one should be able to judge accurately what lies inside of men, before dealing with them in harshness.

"And you are the one thing that I base my whole existence on..."

2005-04-17T11:11:00.000+05:00

They're all crazy and their all out there to drive me MAD!!!! Whom do I refer to? My Friends ofcourse!:D
Remember your friends reflect a great deal about who you are.....I must be a %$#^#ing lunatic!:D

Settle the score.

2005-03-26T22:24:00.000+05:00

Forgiveness. Somehow it is not an easy thing to grant to to others.

Wounds too deep, pain too great. How does one overcome? When is a person ever ready to give up the pain? After all, we are not all blessed with happiness after great pain.
How does one overcome?
'Tis true that hatred eats away at the soul like nothing else, but how do you escape the hatred when it has been with you for so long that you cannot imagine an existence without it. It serves you no purpose but pain, but even that pain has become a part of who you are, you thrive upon the evil it brings within you.
How do you overcome, without any love?

"Suppose I were to disagree..."

2005-03-20T22:54:00.000+05:00

You can't help but wonder our very existence. The purpose of our being. We cannot be an accident. Too well planned out to be an accident. But then why are we here? To give a test to prove our worthiness upon return...but why be created in the first place? What purpose do we serve?
I do not know...

Gone Fishing.

2005-02-05T01:15:00.000+05:00

The mind will wander as it always does.
Losing its way and yet heading for that Eternal plain.

I shall find it one day.
One day it shall be found.

But what then?
Will it all be for none?

Will my existence come to an end,
Just as swiftly as it had begun?

I shall walk for miles.
I shall walk till the end.

Till that day when it's all for none.
And I shall smile at God and say: "I am here"

"I'm losing my religion..."

2005-01-29T19:30:00.000+05:00

Perpetually at war we are.

The eternal struggle to prove the righteousness of one decree in Faith. It is the human ego at war. Every man believes that his path in Faith is the righteous one. Once that is established in his mind he will then go to all lengths to make the world bend to his will. That's right "his" will. Faith has nothing to do with it. He will use religion as just another excuse to dominate all others.

There is only one Truth. And even though not all of us believe in the same truth there will come a time when the Truth will become undeniable. Wait for that time with patience and fortitude.

And until that time, let your Faith become hope for humanity and not a means to end it.

Every Man's Prejudice(2)...

2005-01-23T01:02:00.001+05:00

Tell a man his imperfections and you will gain insight into his ego.

Man is in denial. An utter state of denial.
His belief is in his mis-understanding of himself. He cannot be anything other than what he believes himself to be: perfect.

But wait for that day. That fateful day and all shall be revealed. And to his shame, he will find the contrary to be true.
For on that day it will dawn on him and a harsh acceptance shall be thrust upon his ego. He may choose to open his mind to it, or he may close his heart upon it forever...or atleast he can try.

No heart can exist forever in candid denial.

(This post was actually a result of a blog error. I thought I had lost the previous entry so I had to re-write it. It's a nice example of the same thought re-written)

Every Man's Prejudice...

2005-01-23T01:02:00.000+05:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again; no man is perfect.

Every man has that one thing, that one integral thing that defines his imperfection. It is evident in some but hidden in most.

Human beings don't like admitting to their imperfections. But in not admitting their imperfections human beings do themselves a great dis-service.

All our lives we strive to gain the highest respect in the eyes of those around us and in the process, hiding our imperfections relentlessly. But what we do not realise is that It cannot be done forever. One day our imperfections shall be revealed and on that day we will be unveiled for what we truly are: Human.

Being human is not necessarily a handicap even though it means existing in a state of perpetual imperfection. For it is in this imperfection that exists our true potential.

It is this imperfection that has, over the centuries, created the course of human progress, in which humanity strives constantly (despite the lackings embedded within it) to better itself and the world it exists in. Such imperfection is incredibly valuable; nay, priceless!

See into the Heart of your Enemy.

2005-01-19T13:40:00.000+05:00

It's easy to hate from a distance. From afar people tend to appear ruthlessly mean, pretentious, rude, materialistic, cocky and cheap.

But to look at a person up-close is to truly get get to the heart of it all.

The question is, why would any man carry such burdens of evil within him willingly?

A heart must have been through much suffering to force it to carry such burdens just so it would never have to suffer again...

'Tis a very sad heart. A very lonely heart.

I dreamt of the sea....

2005-01-06T13:19:00.000+05:00

Blue it was.
Eternally blue.
With depth
that could swallow,
all of humanity.

But it did not.

It stayed in its place,
(blue as it was)
with all its wisdom.
Pondering its own existence.

I asked the sea,
"Why do you ponder so?
Is your existence
not plain to thee?".

The blue sea smiled,
its wonderful blue smile
and answered back to me;

"Dear little child,
you are young and I very old.
I have lived an eternity,
maybe even more.

Yet I still see within me,
wonders I did not know
and I am humbled".

"Is that why
you do not swallow humanity?",
asked I.

The blue sea smiled,
its curious blue smile,
and said to me:

"Nay child,
I would not swallow humanity.
I possess no such power.

For I am but the deep blue sea
and nothing more.

I too shall be overcome."

"I dreamt of the Sea" (c) Copyrighted to Shehla Naz Faizi

A Tsunami that shakes the very Faith inside...

2005-01-04T01:21:00.000+05:00

You see all the pain and suffering within this world and you wonder: "Where is God", "If He is truly such a loving God, how can He let all this suffering exist within the world."

We blame God for everything.

I do not deny that God has power over everything and everything good or evil happens because He allows it to be. But then we have been granted a will as well. True we cannot always alter what happens around us but we are not as helpless as we like to believe we are.
We have been granted the strength, the courage and the determination to challenge all the odds, to stand tall even in the face of defeat.

Tragedy befalls humanity not to weaken it, but to challenge the very will that it holds within it. When the human will bravely faces adversity, it only makes it stronger. And with a strengthened will, humanity moves forth into that which is the unknown.
Undoubtedly hearts will break and tears will fall by the millions but it must be done. For our own betterment, it must be done

Terrible anguish is suffered by the child when it is released from it's womb. In a state of anger, despair, confusion and so cold is that child, but it must be done.

And do not forget who endures the most pain...

I forgot to wash behind my ears...

2004-12-21T17:36:00.000+05:00

You can never really say that a person is completely free of hypocrisy. It's like so many other immoralities, you can never really say that this person or that person(or oneself for that matter) is truly moral.

In this world, it is technically impossible not to harbour some form of immorality, but the way I see it, that shouldn't make immoral behaviour acceptable in everyday life.

It is one of those mindsets that is prevalent in today's society. A convenient excuse, if you may, to just stop being the best you can be. It is true that many arguments exist as to the nature of what is and is not moral but even then there are certain undeniables.

The value of life, respect for others, and most of all, the truth, are all such undeniables. These are universally accepted, but sadly, very rarely followed. Why? The most common reason (and probably the most preposterous one) which I have heard from many is: "Because we are not perfect!"

Being moral has nothing to do with being perfect. Moral development within a person is a continuous process, where (just like everything else in life) many mistakes are made but that is not reason enough to quit being moral altogether.

As Mama always said: 'You should not stop bathing, just because you'll get dirty again the very next day'.

If I speak would you listen. And if you listen would it matter?

2004-12-13T11:49:00.000+05:00

When man speaks the truth often enough, it is assumed that he would always speak the truth. Even when he lies, the lie would assumed to be true.
When man speaks a lie often enough, it is assumed that he would always speak a lie. Even when the truth is spoken by him, the truth is assumed to be a lie.

When a man speaks, hear his words but also hear his heart. For too often we care less for what truly makes up the man then what he appears to be made up of.

River runs dry and yet wetter than before...

2004-12-11T17:14:00.000+05:00

When the heart aches why speak of it? This world has enough sadness, heart ache is not important enough.
Has to be the strongest organ inside the human body, the human heart. It could break a million times and be reborn whole to be broken again. Tis more painful every single time...and yet it continues to beat endlessly without nary a complaint.

Going on and on and on and on...waiting for the day when it would all be over and God would grant it eternal rest. It would arise again for Judgment; bear the punishment it deserves, but never again be broken....in Heaven or in Hell but never again be broken...

I hear the lone bagpiper....

2004-12-07T23:18:00.000+05:00

Why must we all be perfect? Why can't a person not be perfect and the world would be alright with that?

When a person possesses an "abnormality" that person is instantly looked upon with a strange brand of pity. 'Oh! What will this poor 'defective' person do?', 'How can this person ever live a "normal" life?!'

Pishaw! The way I see it we were all meant to be different in someway or the other, otherwise cloning would've been the normal way for humans to propagate this earth.

But the fact remains we are not the same. Big, small, skinny, fat, blind, deaf, mute, physically disabled, mentally disabled, suffering from life threatening disease or just plain regular people.

If we all started to strive to reach a certain level of human perfection then sure we would finally be able to establish a truly "normal" society and humanity would reach the zenith it has been striving for all this time. But, I feel, it is at that point we would cease to be human anymore.

From our truly "perfect" human society would arise the seed of contempt and intolerance. Contempt and intolerance for anything or anyone that is not perfect. We would become the perfect alright; the perfect tyrants; heartless and cruel, incapable of love and all that is kind. We would become blind to the human heart and all that it feels within it.

Cold as stone we would become and yet harder still...

Did I do that?

2004-12-02T11:01:00.000+05:00

I doubt that even Murphy was aware of the fact that he had passed so many laws.

Terribly interesting this character, Murphy, from what I've read of this man's history he was very real, but his so-called laws are not his at all. He has become a household name and yet no one really knows much about him.

His identity has boiled down to just his name set as a prefix for every bit of misfortune that befalls us. What a terrible way to be remembered...

I see the little lady-bug...

2004-12-01T18:55:00.000+05:00

Life's all in the details. If you can't see the details you haven't really lived.

I'm am lost amongst all.....

2004-11-27T20:12:00.000+05:00

You look at the people around you, scurrying around to make their mark in this world, struggling desperately not to be forgotten. But I ask you this: What is so horrible about being forgotten? Why must we strive so hard to be remembered? Is it because we believe that we would live forever through other peoples' memories?

The way I see it. Human beings are not built to live forever. And no matter what people may think, immortality is a state of consciouseness. Once that is gone you are nothing again.

Seemingly Endless....

2004-11-27T14:58:00.000+05:00

'Tis my point of view of the World. So many twists and turns, the mind cannot help but ponder upon it.

Do not expect anything profound from this mind, though. I am no philosopher. I don't claim to be one. Through this blog "The Mute Mind" awakens and speaks...words that may arise will often be incoherent maybe even non-sensical. But who cares, for as long as the mind speaks.

A silent mind is capable of very little.

Would you be the Camel?

2004-11-27T14:22:00.000+05:00

Be-jewelled imprisonment is imprisonment none the less.

Will you sell your freedom to be donned with glitter. It is but every man's choice either way. Whichever path is dearer to ones heart.